Before I Close My Eyes

Before I Close My Eyes

I've made up my mind,
I want to die. I always have,
why should I lie. For when I die,
I'll find truly happiness.

It's hard to face every single day with a fake laugh that no one hears,
It's hard to face every single day without shedding thousand of tears.
My laughter is the raft in a sea of sadness 
My tears are the waves that overtake a makeshift raft

I know no one cares enough to try and understand,
So why should I give a damn?
To stay alive and depressed or dead and gone,
Finally peace and rest?

That's what I ask every night before I close my tired eyes.
Maybe one day ill find the strength to finally reach my happy place.
I don't know who this poem is written for,
no one cares enough to read it so I guess its for myself.

It's hard to face every single day with a fake heart that barely beats
It's hard to face every single day with so many damn defeats
My heart is the one thing that keeps me going,
It hardly works right, if you'd listen close


I know no one cares enough to try and understand,

So why should I give a damn?
To stay alive and depressed or dead and gone,
Finally peace and rest?

Maybe when I'm dead and gone someone will put it to use,
but right now they are just wasted words and metaphors.
If only I could show you all how sad I truly am,
then maybe it will help all of you begin to understand the way I am.

-EvRost©