Trying To Find Hope

Trying To Find Hope

At the age of 17 I have come to the conclsion to be alone
I have already seen so many examples of betrayal so why bother?
Maybe at the start I set my expectations so high
That no one could ever match it, so theres no need to try

Being young only lasts up until you can infer
That everything around you is just a silly game
A game that all ends up the same

As I grow older, I hope to become someone who can change his views
If I could then, there might just be a reason to carry on
Until that deciding day, I'll keep my walls up but never pray
For what has any god done for me recently?

If there was a god, why would this world be so corrupt?
Is this just needed in society to teach us and help us grow?
Or is this holy human just keeping us all down?

I'm just a naive kid who's been kicked to the curb
Since he's been welcomed into this world
If there is any hope for us, can we find it?
I'll wait til I can feel the hope inside me

-EvRost©

Before I Close My Eyes

Before I Close My Eyes

I've made up my mind,
I want to die. I always have,
why should I lie. For when I die,
I'll find truly happiness.

It's hard to face every single day with a fake laugh that no one hears,
It's hard to face every single day without shedding thousand of tears.
My laughter is the raft in a sea of sadness 
My tears are the waves that overtake a makeshift raft

I know no one cares enough to try and understand,
So why should I give a damn?
To stay alive and depressed or dead and gone,
Finally peace and rest?

That's what I ask every night before I close my tired eyes.
Maybe one day ill find the strength to finally reach my happy place.
I don't know who this poem is written for,
no one cares enough to read it so I guess its for myself.

It's hard to face every single day with a fake heart that barely beats
It's hard to face every single day with so many damn defeats
My heart is the one thing that keeps me going,
It hardly works right, if you'd listen close


I know no one cares enough to try and understand,

So why should I give a damn?
To stay alive and depressed or dead and gone,
Finally peace and rest?

Maybe when I'm dead and gone someone will put it to use,
but right now they are just wasted words and metaphors.
If only I could show you all how sad I truly am,
then maybe it will help all of you begin to understand the way I am.

-EvRost©

Morbid

 Morbid

Has there ever been a time you couldn't get out of bed?

Corrupted by your head, envision yourself dead. 

Have you ever pictured yourself outside of these walls?

Victimized by your own imagination's flaws. 

Did you ever think about the time that you have left behind? 

Thoughts that only you have, none of them are kind. 

Engrossed in my own world, I lock myself in. 

The one who's worthy shall be able to slip in

but for now I'm all alone, left feeling rejected. 

Perhaps this is a better way for no one else is affected. 

I don't see what I have to offer to this giant world,

all I think is that I cause more harm than I do good.

If I wasn't here on earth it would be a better place,

a place filled with one less sorry face.

I often put myself down because I can not feel, 

emotions such as love, which means they are not real. 

The only thing that impacts me are knives and bullet wounds, 

for then I'll see the blood and know that its the truth.

I haven't even be alive enough to witness what life has to give 

and I already know that I would rather not live. 

For then I'll cause no trouble or harm to anyone, 

and everyone would carry on with one song less sung. 

Have you ever woken up at 2 in the morning?

Haunted by your own dreams that you are left morbid.

Has the deadly thought ever crossed your mind,

to take away the most precious thing a human could ever find? 

To travel six feet under and to never return, 

have you ever thought of that or would or would you rather burn?

 

On days I wake up with a smile, I know it always fades away. 

For happiness comes and go, sadness always stays.

Underneath my chest is a scar that barely beats, enough to keep me alive.

I'm so young, should be full of joy instead my body's cold. 

I myself can never get that idea out of my thoughts,

it is always there even if I'm never caught, 

attempting to take away my only chance to succeed.

A chance that I'll just blow, why do I think so low?

I often put myself down because I can not feel, 

emotions such as love, which means they are not real. 

The only thing that impacts me are knives and bullet wounds, 

for then I'll see the blood and know that its the truth.

I haven't even be alive enough to witness what life has to give 

and I already know that I would rather not live. 

For then ill cause no trouble or harm to anyone, 

and everyone would carry one with one song less sung. 

I am beginning to believe that there is something seriously wrong with me, something that I've always known. 

If you were to take a trip inside the depths of my mind,

you would explode with all the horrors you would find.

My cobwebs are spun by 8 layers of torture.

Inside, holding the evilest of evil

Protecting the outside world, 

so no one else can get in

I often put myself down because I can not feel, 

emotions such as love, which means they are not real. 

The only thing that impacts me are knives and bullet wounds, 

for then I'll see the blood and know that its the truth.

I haven't even be alive enough to witness what life has to give 

and I already know that I would rather not live. 

For then ill cause no trouble or harm to anyone, 

and everyone would carry one with one song less sung. 

As I go, I'll leave you all with one final question,

Is there anyone out there with a worse case of depression?!

-EvRost©

Visiting An Old Friend

Visiting An Old Friend

I got an invitation to visit you via my subconscious. 
It's been so long since we've had a nice conversation.
Months have past and I've neglected to pay you a visit.
Thank you for inviting me to come to see you!

Oh, it's been a while now, since I have seen your face,

How come time goes by so fast when your so far away from me?

I apologize that I haven't been around for you lately,

But I promise I'll make it up to you!

I pulled into your driveway, with flowers in my hand,
Your favorite songs in my mind, and a whole in my heart.
When I approached your door, you greeted me with a smile.
A smile seen so bright, it lit the whole damn sky!

Oh, it's been a while now, since I have heard your laugh,

How come time goes by so fast when your high above us all.

My heart so empty, my breath so cold,

Doing the best I can now, to get through it all

I can not believe how you can make this place so glorious!
When everyone who's ever lived in here never gave a damn.
Once you arrived though, you did the best that you could, 
To make this place into a beautiful safe haven. 

Oh, it's been a while now, since I have seen your face,

How come time goes by so fast when your located at the gates?

As I walk through your footsteps, I can not but wonder,
Why these goosebumps never go away on the right side of your home!
If only, we could have shared more moments, before I had to leave.
I hope I didn't bother you as you do your best to rest in peace.


-EvRost ©

Bewildered

Bewildered

I'm feeling more alone than I ever have before

Darkness swirls around the cobwebs in my mind

My heart is by itself in a race it will never win

Someone, please reach out and held me find the road to happiness?

Pacing through the darkness, holding onto little life

Conclusions are often realized here

Mind cannot stop racing, thoughts of blank temptations

When I close my eyes, all I see is pitch black glory

When they are open wide, all I see is deep red hatred

Picturing myself, walking deep into the woods

Never returning home, never finding myself

Pacing through the darkness, holding onto little life

Conclusions are often reached here

Mind cannot stop racing, thoughts of empty temptations

This idea has always been inside at the cusp of my torn up mind

I've always felt a little behind so I stay confined

In the depths of my distorted design,

Where my thoughts are undefined 

Pacing through the darkness, holding onto little life

Conclusions are often forgotten here

Mind cannot stop racing, thoughts of useless temptations

-EvRost©
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Life's Nightmares

Life's Nightmares

Wish I could go back to sixth grade,

Where everyone was sober and things looked astray.

We were so young and had no idea,

Of the nightmares that the world would show us in later years.

Now, at 17, it's hard to look away,

From how cold this world is and the lies people say.

This world makes no damn sense,

It's crazy for most to think so dense.

If we could all just come alive,

Things could be different,

Could improve over time.

Almost six years back, times weren't so tough,

No one was intoxicated with different stuff.

All we wanted was to find ourselves,

Follow the right path and never give up.

Now, in present day, I went and fled,

Contemplating if life's better with words unsaid.

Should we all just turn our heads?

Waiting for the day we end up dead?

If we could all just come alive,

Things could be different,

Could improve over time.

Understanding today's anxiety,

Can make the biggest difference in this society.

But, without those willing to ride over the hump,

It's all for not, if no one can jump.

If we could all just understand,

Everyone wake up and give a damn

We can survive life's nightmares

-EvRost©

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